


The last video

by TSVhide



Category: TwoSet, Video Blogging RPF, twoset violin
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:14:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25869505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSVhide/pseuds/TSVhide
Summary: //trigger warning for suicide/self harm/depression. Please, if you know this will push you in a bad direction, please please do not read. Also, if you unexpectedly find yourself being affected in this manner, do not hesitate to talk to me or someone else about it//
Relationships: Eddy Chen/Brett Yang
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. Hello and welcome

It was noticeable that this wasn't just any video. The first thing one would notice was the title. It was just some automatically generated title by the camera as it was recorded. He hadn't found any suiting title, so he just left it as the date of the recording and a number the camera made for him. Not like the other fun titles they had on the other videos. He hadn't been the one to make up the fun titles anyway.  
The recording itself was different from the other videos too. The first thing the video showed was a tired man turning on the camera, something they normally would edit out. He shook it slightly in the process of flipping the switch, and then turning to go sit down in a large black couch. He was forcing himself to look at the camera instead of down on his hands, and his usual smile and the spark in his eyes was gone.  
No editing had been done before uploading either. He had just uploaded the video in it's raw form, which was another hint that this video was different from the hundreds if not thousands of videos they had uploaded before this one - the previous one only two days ago. The most prominent thing that set this video apart from the other videos on the popular channel though? The man was alone on the couch.

"Hello..." he began, his voice weak and breaking up at the end. He still wasn't too sure this video was a good idea to make yet, but he knew he had to make it at some point anyway. He really didn't feel up to it, and it showed.  
"...and welcome to... to..." He paused to take a deep breath and to force his mouth to form the rest of the unimaginable sentence. It felt wrong to even say it, as it wasn't his line. Unfortunately, he was the only one there to do it. He pulled himself together and cleared his throat.  
"... to the last episode... of TwoSet Violin."


	2. The first video

He propped up his phone on the camera stand they had for their phones and sat down in front of the camera. The silence in the house was deafening, so silent he could hear the C sharp humming away from the fridge. The exhaustion was overwhelming, his head hurt and his face felt stiff from all the crying he had done just a half hour ago.  
He reached out and turned on the camera, but just sat there for a second. How stupid wasn't it to film himself in this state, anyway? In the middle of the night too?  
"Hi..." he said to the camera in an attempt to find his voice again after his breakdown earlier. "So, the therapist told me I could benefit from a video diary... You know, to help me feel better and all? She said it would help me... I dunno? To put words on my feelings, I guess?" He pulled some of his too long bangs out of his face and rubbed his eyes. He was tired because he hadn't slept properly in weeks, and it was taking its toll on him. He knew it wasn't healthy, but his doctor had refused to prescribe him sleeping pills, so what could he do?  
"I'm feeling crap right now, my head just won't shut up and Brett's not awake, so I thought I'd give it a go. Can't get much worse, right?" The hoodie he was wearing slid down his arms slightly, exposing a bright red streak over the soft skin of his underarm. He quickly pulled it down as to not show it on the video.  
"I guess it's understandable Brett isn't awake, anyway" he mumbled, fiddling with the sleeve he had just pulled over his hand. "I just... I don't know? I don't feel like he actually want me here anymore? He'd do fine without me, probably even better..." He looked at the camera with sad eyes before looking back down again. The two of them had moved in together, "for the practicality of it" as Brett had said, but it was really taking a massive bite out of Eddy's already deteriorating mental health. Not that Brett wasn't nice to him or anything, but having to be around Brett without actually hanging out with Brett was difficult. He didn't feel he could mess around like the could before when they had lived apart. He knew Brett needed time to himself, but he didn't know where the line was for that.  
"He's probably disgusted with me. You know what happened today? I literally just told him how I feel! Yeah, insane, right? Stupid!" He slapped his forehead and grunted, annoyed with himself. He felt guilty for even seeing Brett like that. He knew it would fuck up the amazing friendship they had going, and he was certain half an hour ago Brett would never talk to him again. "As if he didn't have enough reasons not to want me anywhere near him already, right?" He forced a fake positive tone and smile, sighed, and looked away from the camera again. "And also, this doesn't feel like it helps at all", he commented flatly before biting his lip and pulling the hood on his hoodie over his head. His mind just would not shut up.  
"Well, thanks for watching. See you next time in another episode of Eddy's fucked up mind", he said sarcastically and turned off the camera.


	3. Breakfast

Eddy didn't sleep that night either, except for the few second he nodded off at the kitchen table right before Brett walked in.  
"Morning, sunshine", he said in a joking manner to Eddy who jumped up to sit upright at the sound of his voice. Instinctively he checked that his sleeves were properly pulled down, and he eventually managed to slow his breathing after the adrenaline rush.  
"Shit, you scared me..." he mumbled with his eyes fixed on the table top. He still had his hood up, partly to disguise the fact that his hair was all nasty and greasy from him not showering for a few days and partly to hide his face from Brett. He didn't turn around to look at Brett, but he could hear him search around among their pots and pans behind him.  
"You want breakfast? I'm making some eggs", Brett asked, but Eddy just shook his head. The heavy sigh from his older friend caused him to want to curl up into a ball and apologize. He didn't mean to be difficult, it just sort of happened.  
"Come on, it's the most important meal of the day..." Brett began, but was interrupted by Eddy's sharp reply.  
"I'm just not hungry, alright? Leave me alone." The tone was probably a bit sharper than what Eddy had intended, but Brett wasn't about to let him off the hook just yet. He put down the heavy frying pan on the stove and went over to Eddy. He placed his hand softly on his shoulder, and Eddy felt his cheeks warm up slightly at the touch. He also felt stupid for reacting like that.  
"Is this about yesterday?" Brett asked, concerned for his friend. He hadn't really meant to turn Eddy down, and in a way he hadn't exactly turned him down either. He just hadn't really said anything about it except 'I need to think about it' and then walking away. It was cowardly of him to walk away like that, sure, but he was freaked out! You don't learn your best friend in the whole world has feelings for you every day.  
Eddy didn't reply to his question. It wasn't just about yesterday. It was life in general being impossible to deal with lately, that included what happened yesterday. He didn't feel the need to explain all that to Brett, to burden Brett with his problems.  
"Hey, Eddy, I'm sorry I just ran away like that, alright? I just..." Brett began, voice trailing off. He had given it a lot of thought throughout the night, but he was scared. In his mind there were two outcomes in this situation. He could give it a go, and risking losing Eddy as his best friend if it didn't work out, and some bad attitude from his family. The other option was not following his gut feeling and hurting Eddy. He didn't seem too stable emotionally in the first place, something Brett had noticed but could not get him to talk about, and he didn't need a rejection like that on top of it.  
"I don't want to talk about it. Sorry for bringing it up", Eddy said flatly and got out of the chair. "I'll be in my room if you need me."


	4. LingLing40hrs

"Bro, you ready yet?" Brett called from the room they used to record in. Since they started living together the need to film a ton of videos in one go had disappeared, so they just filmed what they felt like. They used to have quite a large buffer of videos ready to post, but after a few weeks of laziness they needed to pick up the pace again to keep the channel running.  
"Yeah, any minute now" he heard from the bathroom. Brett had insisted Eddy took a shower before filming, partly because he didn't want anyone to see the state Eddy was in normally, and partly because he couldn't stand the state Eddy had been in the last few days. Since the revelation of his little secret he never left his room, and if he did it was only to go to the bathroom or to get something to drink. Brett hadn't seen him eat anything but a few bites of the takeaway he had gotten for him yesterday, and it really worried him. If he'd just let him TALK to him...   
The paler than usual boy appeared in the doorway, almost looking like a real person again after the shower. He was wearing one of their merch hoodies and some sweatpants. Brett didn't want to push him on the sweatpants as they were sitting down for the video anyway. Eddy sat down in his usual spot while Brett fixed the lighting and the microphone. Neither of them spoke and joked around like they normally would before filming.  
"Ready for some memes?" Brett asked with an attempted smile, trying to lighten the mood slightly. Eddy just shrugged.  
"I guess", he mumbled, pulling his sleeves over his hands. "This is the only one today, right?" He didn't really feel like filming, but he knew they had to. All night was spent trying to gather some energy and confidence, and to figure out how to smile properly again. He was exhausted, as per the new usual.  
"Yeah. I'll start rolling now, and we'll just cut the few dead seconds in the beginning" Brett said and pressed record on the camera. He went over to sit on the chair next to Eddy and cleared his throat.  
"You start today, or me?" Brett asked, running a hand through his hair. He kind of worried Eddy's mood would show on the video so they wouldn't be able to upload it. How would he explain the reason they wouldn't be able to post it to him anyway? 'Sorry, you seemed too sad in the video'? Nope.  
"I'll do it", Eddy said, scratching his chin. He had just shaved for the first time in a while, and it felt weird. Brett nodded and waited for him to go ahead.  
"Hello and welcome to another episode of TwoSet Violin! First of all, check out our merch..." Brett couldn't help but realize Eddy sounded just like normal, like he would before acting all weird. Most of the video went by as usual, and Brett spent most of it thinking about how great an actor Eddy really was.

The memes were alright, a few old pictures of them and Eddy made a joke about himself not ever having a soul anyway, unlike Brett who seemed to have dreams. It had kind of turned into a joke between the two of them as well that Brett had dreams, and now he had memes. It made Brett crack up every time. Then he spotted something red in his peripheral vision. Automatically he turned to check out what it was, as he didn't remember anything red being to his right before.  
"Eddy!" he exclaimed, eyes widening at the sight of Eddy's forearms. He looked like he had been in a fight with a cat and lost hard. Immediately Eddy snapped out of role and pulled down his sleeves.  
"I uh... it's nothing I just... uh... scratched myself on... uh..." He knew it was too obvious that this wasn't just any old scratch. "It's nothing, don't worry about it. Let's record the video." Eddy tried to distract Brett, but Brett wasn't really having any of it.  
"Eddy... I didn't know it was... that it was that bad...?" Brett said, eyeing up his friend. Sure, he knew he wasn't in the greatest of moods lately, but he would never have imagined that it was that bad. In a way he felt guilty. He, as Eddy's best friend, should have known and helped him.  
"Let's just finish the video, please", Eddy said pointing to the camera. The adrenaline from being exposed like that was still making his heartrate sounding in his ears. Stupid, stupid. How could he have been so stupid and not think before pulling up his sleeves?  
"Okay, but we gotta talk about this afterwards..." Brett said, trying to collect his thoughts. He watched Eddy go back into his role and they managed to do a whole episode of Ling Ling 40 hours, even though neither of them felt like it.


	5. Dinner

"You did great during filming today", Brett commented while shoveling some rice into his mouth. Eddy just shrugged and continued pushing his food from one side of the plate to the other, even though his stomach screamed for him to just take a bite. The idea of doing so made him feel sick.  
Brett sighed and swallowed the dry rice he had put in his mouth.. "I'm worried about you, Eddy... and I worry that if you're not talking to me about it, you're not talking to anyone..."  
"I'm fine, don't worry about it", Eddy said quickly, lying through his teeth. He just wanted to escape the situation, get out so Brett couldn't question him more about it. He tried to keep calm, but he could feel himself just wanting to cry. It felt awful making Brett worried like that.  
"I can't help worrying about it, Eddy, I know you're very obviously not fine." Eddy felt the words sting in his heart. He hated making him worry.  
"I... I'm seeing a therapist... and uh... it's helping..." Eddy said, only lying about the last part. He was seeing a therapist, but so far it only seemed to make him feel bad about everything. At least it had given him a lable on how he felt. Depression.  
"Really? That's good at least!" Brett said, trying to seem entusiastic. He was actually relieved he was getting some help, but the bright red streaks he had seen on Eddy's arms just hours before made him question how bad he must have been before getting help if the therapy had helped him.  
"Yeah." Eddy moved a part of his rice to the other side of the plate again. Some of the rice stuck to his fork, and he licked it off and put the fork aside.  
"I'm not really hungry, I'll save it for later", he said and started putting his second round of leftovers into a box.  
Brett sighed. "You haven't eaten all day, how can you not be hungry?" he questioned, but was ignored by the pale boy. Had he become skinnier lately? It was hard to tell under his baggy clothes.  
"I'll be in my room if you need me", Eddy said before throwing his box of leftovers into the fridge and shuffling out of the kitchen.


	6. The second video

"Do you wanna go out tonight?" Brett had asked him after knocking lightly on his bedroom door. "Ray is in town and want to hang out." Eddy had refused him. Sure, some alcohol sounded great, but going out seemed way too exhausting. Brett had told him to just call if he changed is mind or if he needed anything. He had just said "sure", but he didn't want to need Brett for anything, and going out was ruled out. He had told Brett not to worry, and to have fun. Brett had been hesitant, but eventually went out. They didn't see Ray every day, so hanging out with him would be a good change to hanging out with the grey cloud he usually was with. Or at least that's how Eddy saw himself. An inconvenience, just like a grey cloud was on a sunny day.

Hours had passed, it had become dark, and Eddy's mind was going down it's usual downward spiral it always did at night. He had cried, he had screamed, he had hurt himself some more. The sharp razor blade, the stinging sensation and the red blood forming in droplets on his arm. He knew it was wrong, and he knew it wouldn't help in the long run. Even worse - he knew this one would be harder to hide from Brett as it was closer to his wrist than the other ones. He didn't care. He wasn't able to care. Brett knew what he was doing anyway, so why hide it from him anymore? Tears flowed down his cheeks as he rolled onto his back in bed and stared up at the ceiling, razor blade in one hand and blood seeping into his duvet cover from the other arm. He imagined how it would be after he died. Brett would finally be able to do all the video ideas Eddy had been too shy to do, he would have more time and space to practice, and he would finally be able to go out without having to ask Eddy to come. Nobody wanted him there anyway- That's why they always called Brett and not him. They hoped Brett wouldn't ask him to come, but Brett still did every time. Probably because he felt bad for him for not having any friends.

He thought about what the therapist had said the last time he was there. "When you feel yourself slipping, talk about it." Stupid. It never helped to talk about things, and he had nobody to talk to anyway. Brett would certainly not want to hear about it, and as the loser he was he didn't have anyone else. He could do another of those stupid videos, though. They didn't help, but at least the stupid therapist couldn't tell him he didn't try. He sat up in bed and ignored the small red stain on his duvet cover. He also ignored the droplets still forming on his arm. He went down into the living room with his phone to find the tripod camera stand they had for their phones. It was still on the living room table from last time. He was planning to do the video in his room, but the dizziness from the lack of sleep and food caught up with him when he got to the living room, so his body decided to sit down on the couch. After collecting himself for a few moments he snapped his phone into the tripod older and pressed record on his camera app.

"Guess what?" he said to the camera, half sarcastically. "I'm making another of these stupid videos. They aren't working yet, and I'm sure this one won't either. I fucking hurt myself again because I'm just so fucking tired, right? I can't sleep. Please get me some sleeping pills so I can sleep!" He was mostly just rambling, but he showed his arm to the camera with the now dried up blood and everything. "This wouldn't have happened if I could just fucking sleep." He pulled his bangs out of his face, but it just fell down in his eyes again. "I'm not sure if I want to deal with this anymore, you know?" He turned away from the camera, now looking more sad than annoyed. He knew that the lack of sleep was only a symptom of the depression, and that getting him sleeping pills wouldn't help the reason he had that symptom. He also knew that they wouldn't give him sleeping pills because of his suicidal tendencies. Stupid. He wouldn't want to overdose on pills. That's a cowardly way to go, he thought. He needed something better than that, quicker, if he were to do it.

He heard someone turn a key in the door and quickly turned off the recording. The stand fell over when he took his phone from it. The man who entered fell through the door and ended up on the floor, giggling.


	7. Drunk

"Eddyyyyyy!" Brett cheered when he saw him, laughing at his own clumsiness. He sat on the floor still with his shoes on.  
"Hey Brett", Eddy said flatly while studying him, thinking about how cute he was when he was drunk like this. He also cursed himself out mentally for even thinking about it.  
"Eddyyyy.... I'm like SO drunk bro..." Brett said, followed by an attempted serious face. He didn't even try to get up from the floor, and leaned against the white wall next to him. Eddy sighed.  
"I can tell. You able to get up?" He didn't really want to touch Brett, knowing how it would mess with his brain and turn it into mush, but at the same time he really wanted to do just that. He wanted to have Brett hold his arm around him, even if it was just to support himself in his drunken state.  
"Yeah I can accctuallllly!" Brett exclaimed sternly and made an attempt to get on his feet on his own. He quickly ended up back in his sitting position with his back against the wall. "See I meant to do that", he announced in defeat followed by some giggles.  
Eddy couldn't help but snicker at the helpless man in front of him. "You want some help? Get you in bed and all?" he suggested while he slowly and carefully pulled down the sleeves of his hoodie as he no longer worried too much about getting a stain on it that would show. Brett didn't seem to notice this action, luckily.  
"You can take me to bed alright", Brett said, suddenly in a more flirting tone. This took Eddy by surprise and his cheeks turned bright pink.  
"Oh uh.. that's not... uh..?" he stuttered, but Brett just laughed. It had to have been a joke. He didn't mean it like that, it was nothing but a joke. Just a joke. You're just a joke to him anyway. His mind went around in circles, pulling him further into the hole he had dug out for himself earlier that night.  
"You helping or what?" the drunk man complained before rolling his eyes. "Comeoooonnnnn pleeeeeaaaseeee..." Eddy stood up and walked over to him. Time to get this idiot to bed. He grabbed a hold of his hand and tried to pull him off the floor with little luck.  
"Come on, you gotta help too. I can't carry you." Brett's pout was unspeakably cute, but he eventually used some of his leg muscles and got on his feet. He put his arms around Eddy's waist like a hug and held on tight as not to fall over again. Eddy couldn't help but enjoy the touch, even though he knew it meant nothing to Brett. He meant nothing to Brett.  
"Let's get you to bed" Eddy sighed and led his giggling drunk friend to his bedroom.

After a massive struggle he finally got Brett to let go and lay down on the bed. Eddy took off his shoes and brought them back to the shoe rack by the entrance, only with protests from Brett as he left the room.  
"Eddyyyy!!!" he had yelled as soon as he was out of sight, but he calmed back down when Eddy entered his room again.  
"You gonna sleep in all those clothes? You're gonna melt", Eddy commented as Brett was wearing his jean jacket, a t-shirt and his trousers still. Wait, wasn't that Eddy's jean jacket?  
"Can you help me take them off?" Brett said, again in that drunken flirty tone from earlier. Eddy's stomach made a quick flip before he caught himself having those feelings. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He doesn't like you like that. Gotta stop.  
"Can't you do it yourself?" Eddy asked, not really wanting to get his brain going by helping him, but Brett shook his head hard at him, causing his glasses to fall off.  
"Noooope!" he said, followed by another giggle. He didn't seem to even register his glasses falling off. Eddy sighed for probably the millionth time that evening.  
"Alright", he sighed. "If you insist." Eddy helped him sit up on the bed by sitting behind him to hold him up so it would be easier to take off his jacket. He did his best to make this as platonic as humanly possible, but undressing someone on a bed didn't make that easy. What made it more difficult was the fact that Brett kept leaning back on him and resting his head on his shoulder.  
"Come on, Brett, you're making it difficult. Gotta sit up properly", he commented as if he was annoyingly handling a child. The drunk man in his arms grunted at him in an annoyed tone.  
"Cause you're gonna leave me", he said and tried to grab a hold of Eddy's hand that was trying to get to a point where he could open the button of Brett's trousers.  
"You don't want me to sleep here, so yeah, I'll have to leave", Eddy commented while looking down at their hands. Brett's hand was so small compared to his, but he still thought they fit perfectly together. He also cursed at himself mentally for thinking that.   
"I DO want you to sleep here!" Brett exclaimed, trying to turn to look at Eddy, but not really making it all the way around. Eddy bit his bottom lip hard. Shit. He knew sober Brett would never have said that, and would never want that. Drunk Brett was very obviously not letting him leave, though.  
"Alright, but we gotta get your trousers off anyway. It's gonna be bad to sleep in those." Brett nodded eagerly, and let Eddy unbutton his trousers and slide them down beneath his knees. At that point Brett just kicked them off.  
Meanwhile, Eddy made himself comfortable on Brett's double bed, not wanting to take off any clothes. He didn't want Brett to wake up to his horrendous body first thing in the morning anyway. Maybe he'd just leave once Brett had fallen asleep?  
That thought was quickly set aside when Brett crawled up to lie with his head on Eddy's chest. Eddy freezed, not knowing what to do. His brain cursed at him for being there in the first place. It was wrong. Sober Brett would scream if he found himself this close to Eddy ever.  
"Nighty", Brett mumbled and closed his eyes. He put his arms tightly around Eddy's waist, hiding his face in his large hoodie and falling asleep.  
"Night", Eddy sighed and closed his eyes as well. He ignored his screaming brain, he ignored the stinging on his arm, and he fell properly asleep for the first time in days.


	8. Morning

When Brett woke up to Eddy's snores close to his ear the next morning his first reaction should probably have been to freak out. Why on earth was Eddy in his bed? He didn't freak out, though. It was kind of nice, just lying next to each other like that. Or, not just next to each other. He could feel Eddy's hand resting on his chest, a hint that they had been closer than this earlier in the night. Brett couldn't remember how they had ended up like this, but had a minor heart attack when he realized he was in only his boxers. When had he undressed? He looked over to see Eddy still fully clothed and let out a small sigh of relief. He wasn't sure how he would have reacted if that wasn't the case.

He studied Eddy's peaceful face as he slept. He hadn't seen his friend's face like that in a while. It had always had that sad look lately, which made Brett sad as well. He didn't like seeing him like that, and he felt guilty for not being able to do more to help him. Eddy's sleeve had slid up slightly on his arm, revealing the dried up streaks of blood that had ran down his arm the night before. Brett didn't know if he should puke or cry. He felt like doing both. Puke from guilt and cry from helplessness. Why had he left him alone here in the first place? He had a great time with Ray, sure, but was it worth his best friend's sanity?

The sun had gone from barely peeking through the curtains with warm orange light to really lighting up the room before Brett even dared to move. He carefully moved Eddy's hand from his chest to rest next to his head and reached for the t-shirt he had been wearing the day before. It had been left in a pile along with his trousers and Eddy's jean jacket. He had borrowed it without asking because he wanted a part of Eddy to come with him when he went out. It was silly, and when thinking back on the split second desiscion he had made by the door before heading out, he felt like a child with attatchment issues. It was a nice jacket though, and he finally understood why Eddy liked it so much.

He pulled the t-shirt over his head while realizing his glasses were nowhere to be seen. His vision wasn't completely awful, he could still see something when not wearing them, but everything was pretty blurry. After a few minutes of searching and accidentally knocking over an umbrella he had leaning against a shelf by the door he spotted his glasses on the floor by Eddy's side of the bed. He went over to grab them and put them on and laughed in his mind at the thought of "Eddy's side of the bed". The entire bed was his bed. Eddy had his own. Even though he didn't really mind sharing it like this.

After getting his glasses on he took a better look at Eddy. His hair was all messy as usual, but not as greasy at it had been before filming. He was still wearing the hoodie and sweatpants he had when they were filming along with a pair of bright red socks. He looked peaceful sleeping, and Brett couldn't get himself to leave him there alone. He sat back down in bed carefully, but froze when he heard the rustling of his duvet and a tired groan from the tall man in his bed.  
"Brett..?" he asked after just barely opening his eyes, probably sensitive to all the light.  
"Yeah, I'm still here", Brett replied, feeling the urge to stroke his hair but didn't do it. Eddy looked fragile like a toddler after just barely waking up, but that quickly changed when he suddenly sat up.  
"Shit, man, sorry, I shouldn't uh... be here..." he said quickly before attempting to get out of Brett's bed, but instead just falling out of it onto the floor. "Ouch..." he mumbled when he hit the floor with a relatively loud thump. He pushed himself up on his arms, but couldn't really get up properly.  
"No no, Eddy, don't worry about it", Brett said, slightly too late. "Let me help you." He went around the bed over to Eddy's side and offered him a hand to get off the floor. Eddy took it, as he realized he wasn't able to on his own. It scared him slightly that he wasn't able to do it on his own, but he knew it was likely due to his lack of eating lately. Brett helped him to his feet and he stood there, knees and hands shaking.  
"I'm sorry, I was planning to leave once you had fallen asleep..." Eddy desperately tried to explain. His brain telling him Brett was mad or disgusted by his presence in his bedroom.  
Brett sighed. "Eddy, it's fine. It was nice, don't worry about it." Eddy's heart almost stopped when he heard the word "nice", but decided not to mention it. He was sure he hadn't meant it like that, and he scolded himself mentally for even considering that it might have been meant that way. Stupid.


	9. Time

As time progressed, Eddy seemed to get better. Brett had driven him to his therapist for an appointment and since that he had eaten and even been out with Brett once. Sure, he was still a bit flat in his responses and he was still hurting himself, but he seemed better than he had been.  
Brett came to this realization at dinner one day, and mentioned it to him.  
"You think so?" he had replied, almost like he couldn't believe it, while taking a small bite of the food on his plate. "Well, it's good that you think that." Eddy's reply had confused Brett, but he didn't put a lot of energy into thinking about it. He hadn't denied it, which hopefully was a good sign.

Eddy on the other hand was relieved he thought things were going better. In a way, things were in fact going better. He had managed to convince his therapist and his doctor to prescribe him some sleeping pills so that he could finally get some sleep. They knocked him out, and his head didn't hurt all the time anymore, but he still felt exhausted all the time. He still knew Brett would be better off without him, and he knew he still wasn't eating the amounts he should. It felt kind of nice to be slightly hungry all the time, in weird way. Sure, he knew he needed food to function, but he felt in control and it helped take the focus away from his screaming mind. It was a way of coping, and he didn't think he was brave enough to try the alternative way of dealing with his head. The more permanent way of coping.

They hadn't slept together again since that one time when Brett had come home drunk, and Brett actually missed it. He had liked feeling Eddy's warmth next to him, maybe touching slightly. It felt safe, and he didn't have to worry about what he might be doing at night while Brett was asleep. He knew Eddy wasn't always sleeping at night, and he knew that nighttime was the time the self harm was taking place. It just felt good to know he wasn't doing any of that, you know? He wasn't sure this mean he actually liked him like that, but he knew he didn't mind being that close to Eddy. They hadn't talked about Eddy's little secret in a while. Eddy still refused to even have it mentioned. Any time Brett brought it up, he just left in the middle of whatever they were doing. Maybe if he was given some time he'd come around and talk about it. If that ever happened Eddy would be in for a big surprise for sure, Brett thought and looked over to the still too pale and fragile boy across the table. If he'd just let him talk.


	10. The third video

The house was quiet and Eddy was staring up at the ceiling. Several days had passed since he saw the therapist and finally got the sleeping pills. The only problem was when he didn't want to take them. When he felt the need to punish himself for something stupid he had done that day, or when he stopped himself from taking any because his mind was screaming at him to take too many. He had almost laughed at idea when it formed. He had still googled how many he would need to die from it, though. Appearently, you were much more likely to get liver damage unless you combined it with alcohol. Interesting.

He knew even having these thoughts were not good and that he definitly should talk to someone about it. Waking Brett was not an option though. No need to worry him, he didn't have any alcohol anyway. He decided to talk to the camera again and shuffled into the living room to find the camera stand. For once, he was wearing a t-shirt instead of a hoodie, which made him slightly uncomfortable. He shut the door between the hallway and the living room as not to wake Brett. If Brett was to see him the way he looked now... well, that wouldn't be fun. The latest cut he had made on his left arm was so bad he had to bandage it up to stop it bleeding. It went from around the center of his underarm and diagonally down towards his elbow. It wasn't particularily long, but deeper than the other ones. Admittedly, he was scared when he saw how deep the fresh razor blade cut. He hadn't intended it to be that bad, but once it had happened he didn't really mind. It didn't hurt any more than the other red streaks, it just looked worse.  
He snapped his phone into the tripod stand with a sigh. What would he even tell the stupid camera? Nobody watched these videos, so what was the point? He pressed record anyway and went to sit down on the couch.  
"Hey", he said in a silent voice as not to wake Brett who was sleeping across the hallway. It was quiet for a while, only the C sharp from the fridge humming in the background. The bandage was visible on the recording and he checked out how it looked. "Well, as you can tell, I kind of went... uh... deeper... tonight." He showed the bandage to the camera while touching it lightly. It stung a bit, but not as bad as he thought it would from the look of it earlier. "It wasn't really on purpose, but I got a fresh blade and well... it just sort of happened. I don't care, I probably deserved it." He felt dead inside, just like all the comments Brett got about looking dead inside. Brett wasn't dead inside, he was the most lively person Eddy knew. The dead one was Eddy.  
"Also, I've been thinking lately... that..." He turned to look away from the camera. Saying it made it more real than he thought it would. "That maybe it would be best if I just... disappeared, you know?" He bit his lip and fiddled with a scab that had formed on one of his older cuts. "No more bothersome grey cloud, you know? No more worrying about me..." He looked down. "No more annoying clingy idiot, no more... no more Eddy." Tears was pressing on as he spoke, and the scab he had been fiddling with started to bleed.  
"Fuck that", he sobbed at the scab while he heard the sound of Brett opening his bedroom door. Quickly he grabbed his phone from the stand and stopped the recording. He looked around, desperate to find something to cover his arms with, but he found nothing. The closest thing to cover up with was a decorative pillow they had lying around, but he decided it wouldn't help at all. 

Brett entered the living room after slowly opening the door and peeking inside.  
"Eddy? Why are you up?" he asked in a concerned voice. His hair was a mess from sleeping, and he was only wearing a pair of sweatpants and a worn out white t-shirt that showed most of what was underneath, even in the dim living room. Eddy couldn't help but blink one extra time after the attempt to blink his tears away at the sight, but his mind quickly put him back in his place.  
"I uh... c... couldn't sleep", Eddy stammered, again getting scolded by his mind for his idiotic behaviour. It was just Brett, his best friend. He kept calling him his best friend, but he was sure Brett would call someone else HIS best friend. Brett had many friends, and surely Eddy wasn't that special to him.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Brett said in a soft voice while going over to sit next to Eddy on the couch. He hadn't seemed to notice the camera stand being propped up on the table, luckily. He didn't want Brett to find out about the videos. He didn't want Brett to have any more to worry about.  
"It's fine, I'm fine. Just not tired, that's all", Eddy lied, trying to seem as fine as he wanted Brett to think he was. He most definitly wasn't, though. He felt Brett's careful fingers trace the edge of the bandage on his left forearm, just barely touching his skin. It made Eddy shiver.  
"What happened?" Brett asked, his voice breaking up. He was concerned, of course, but had noticed how Eddy shut down when he showed how worried he really was and was trying not to let it show. Eddy shook his head, but didn't pull away from Brett's touch.  
"It was an accident." Eddy wasn't completely lying when he said it, but it still caused Brett to sigh.  
"Was it?" Brett asked, not really buying it. How could he hurt himself so badly he needed a bandage by accident in the middle of the night without making enough sound to wake him up? No, it didn't make sense.  
Eddy was quiet for a few seconds, concidering what to say next. The tears pressed on again. Once again he had made Brett worry about him, which was the last thing he wanted.  
"I didn't mean for it to be that deep", he finally admitted in a low voice, looking away from the guy in front of him who every once in a while caused his stomach to do somersaults.  
Brett on the other hand was relieved he actually told him what was going on for once and not shut him out like he normally would. He carefully put his arm around Eddy and pulled him into a hug the taller boy gladly accepted.  
"I know you didn't, I'm sorry for bothering you about it", the older boy said while stroking Eddy's hair carefully, allowing him to break down into sobs in his arms.


	11. Editing

Brett had been surprised when Eddy had said he'd do the shopping around a week later. He had for sure seemed better. They had been sleeping together again, something Brett loved and Eddy seemed to benefit from. He hadn't spotted any new cuts on his body, and he would have noticed them due to their sleeping situation. He had gotten skinnier from the last time they had been out swimming, Brett finally discovered, but he seemed to be eating normally again. It had all really been a complete turnaround over just a day or two, really fast. Brett had caught himself thinking it was too quick, but when he continued the pattern for the remainder of the week he finally settled. Hopefully, Eddy was finally getting better.

Before Eddy had left, they had recorded a video for the channel to be uploaded as soon as they could edit it. They had finally ran out of videos to post, and was really running behind now. Brett had offered to edit it while Eddy was out shopping. It was just a simple video where they had been answering questions from the various social media they were on. A bit like the roast us-video they had done earlier. Brett looked through the material he was working with, and most of it seemed fine with little editing. He had to put the questions on the screen for the viewers to see, of course, which took up most of his time. It would be a long video, but the fans deserved a long video after the radio silence from them lately.  
 _"Eddy, you've seemed a bit off lately! Are you okay?"_ he heard himself read on the video, a question from a concerned fan. Brett had really wondered the same, but as expected he didn't go into details in his reply.  
 _"It's true, I've been a bit off lately. It's gonna be fine again any time now, though! No worries!"_ he had replied, followed by that sweet smile of his. Brett could see his own cheeks flare up in the video and he facepalmed mentally. It was really that obvious, huh? He wish he had been hiding behind the microphone like he often did when they did videos like this, but unfortunately for him he didn't. He decided to let it pass, give the crazy fangirls something to write fanfiction about. Stuff like that sold merch, and they needed the money when the ad revenue dropped because of them not uploading anything.

"Hey", Eddy said as he entered the house and kicked off his shoes. Brett hadn't seen him properly dressed before he went out, but he really seemed to have put an effort into his outfit. A pair of regular black skinny jeans, the "interesting"-merch t-shirt and his pink hoodie under his jean jacket. Brett could still remember borrowing it for that time he went out, how it had smelled like Eddy.  
"Hey! Looking good today", Brett commented truthfully as he had just caught himself thinking about it. Eddy shrugged.  
"Thanks, I guess?" he said before quickly going into the kitchen with the groceries. Brett could hear some clinking and the fridge door opening and shutting in the background while editing. He tried to ignore it, but was distracted anyway by a text message lighting up his phone. A few friends were going out that night to have fun. He felt a pair of long arms wrap around him from behind and Eddy's chin rested carefully on the top of his head.  
"You should go, it could be fun", Eddy suggested after reading what the message said over Brett's shoulder. Brett shrugged.  
"I mean, I guess. You're not going?" Brett knew the answer to this already just from the way he had suggested going out, but he wanted him to come with him if he were going.  
"Nah, I don't think it would be... uh... good for me", Eddy replied hesitantally, and Brett thought he understood what he was referring to.  
"But you should totally go, it'll be fun."


	12. Sleeping

Brett hadn't had much to drink that evening, just enough to feel it affect his balance and his thought process ever so slightly. It was probably for the best. He couldn't stop thinking about how Eddy was home alone, hopefully sleeping or watching a movie or something. It was getting late, way past midnight. He hadn't planned on staying out this long, but things happened and all of a sudden he had been out for hours longer than intended. He didn't know yet how much he would regret that descision.

He was careful to open the door silently when he came home as waking Eddy would be a bad idea if he had managed to fall asleep. He shut the door as quietly as possible behind him and peeked into the living room. Eddy was lying on the couch with his back towards the door, sleeping. Good, no need to wake him. Sure, his back would hurt from lying on the couch, but at least he'd get some proper sleep. Brett went around the room to switch off the lights as quietly as his slightly intoxicated self was able to. Before switching off the last light he took a blanket and carefully put it over Eddy so he wouldn't wake up all cold. He looked peaceful sleeping in his hoodie and sweatpants, more peaceful than he had been in a long time. Brett went over to the last lamp, blew Eddy a drunken kiss, and flipped the switch on it before heading towards his bedroom to get some sleep himself.

When Brett woke up the next morning, it was quiet. The only sound he could hear was his own breathing and the rustling of his bedsheets as he moved to grab his glasses from the bedside table. He put them on and checked the time on his phone. It was pretty early for Brett to wake up, but the light peeking through the curtains made it hard to sleep once he had started moving. He felt the need to begin the day, and decided to surprise Eddy with some breakfast for when he woke up. The rustling of the bedsheets became louder when he sat up on the edge of his bed. He listened carefully to the sounds in and outside the house for a moment. He could make out the faint C sharp humming from the fridge inside the house as the only sound. Outside he heard police sirens in the distance as well as a dog barking. The sounds were far too faint to wake Eddy, which Brett though was good. He needed the sleep.

He sneaked into the kitchen and tried to make as little sound as possible when frying up eggs and bacon. It felt a bit cliché to cook that for him, but it was easy and Brett could actually make it taste alright. Not too much salt on the eggs, as the bacon already was salty. Eddy didn't like too salty food. Brett felt a bit bad for leaving him home alone the night before. He hoped to make it up with the food and it showed on the cooking. Even on how he plated it, how he even found some candles to decorate the table for the breakfast. The entire thing felt a bit cliché, but after the talk they had in the beginning of the week about Eddy's little secret they had decided to just take things as they came. Cooking for someone he cared about just came naturally to Brett.  
After a few moments of correcting how the plates were sat on the table and lighting the candles he eagerly went to wake the sleeping beauty for the special breakfast.


	13. Please

Brett could immediately sense something was wrong when he got to the living room. Light were peaking through the curtains, making Brett notice a few items on the table his drunken self hadn't seen last night. Eddy's pack of sleeping pills on the table as well as a bottle of some kind of liquor he didn't recognize standing next to the couch. Eddy's words from the day he had gotten the sleeping pills echoed through his mind. "Don't worry, I don't have any alcohol anyway." He could feel his heart sink down into his stomach when he realized Eddy hadn't moved at all since the night before. This wasn't happening, it was just a bad dream. It had to be. This was not happening.  
He went over to try and shake him awake by instinct. His brain had gone into a desperate panic mode, and when he didn't get any response from his best friend in the world he didn't know what to do.  
"Come on, Eddy, please", he whimpered, desperately trying to turn his limp body towards him. No response, nothing. His right arm slid limply from his side and hit the couch heavily. Brett's world were falling apart and all he could think of as the tears started to flow was to hug the boy.  
"P..please... Eddy.. Please... please... Eddy..." he repeated over and over, desperately hoping this was just a sick joke even though he knew deep down it wasn't.

After a while, Brett didn't know how long that while was as time seemed to have stopped for him, someone outside must have heard his pleas or something. The police showed up, an ambulance showed up. He didn't understand why they were there at first, nothing made sense to him anymore. All around him was just a blur. A police woman had taken him to the kitchen where the food was still waiting for Eddy and him to come eat. Brett worried it would be cold before Eddy could come eat, but he knew deep down his worries didn't make sense. She had tried to calm him down, but he didn't take in anything she said. The tears were flowing non stop, he was shaking, and he didn't know what to do with himself. An ambulance worker showed up in the kitchen door, gave some kind of signal to the police woman and then left them alone again. Brett didn't understand what all these people were doing here. He wanted them all to leave him alone, but he felt too weak to do anything about it.  
"When's Eddy coming back?" he asked the police woman who gave him a confused look at first before understanding. His shock still hadn't let him go.  
"I'm sorry, mr Yang, I'm afraid Eddy has passed", she said, trying to sound as calm as possible. Brett just shook his head in denial.  
"Do you have anyone we could call, who can come make sure you are okay?" the kind police woman tried, but Brett just shook his head. He shut down as the words "Eddy has passed" grinded through his head and he realized what they meant. Eddy was gone. 


	14. Phone

The police woman had eventually left him on his own in the kitchen to listen to the C sharp from the fridge. Everyone had left, nobody stepping around their living room, nobody peeking worriedly over at him. They had taken Eddy with them. Eddy was gone. Brett hadn't really taken it in yet. It felt like he would walk through the door any second now and tell him it was all a bad joke. He wanted it to be a bad joke. Or maybe just a bad dream? He'd take anything, anything except for what seemed to be real right now.

He had no idea how long he had been sitting in the same position on the wooden kitchen chair, arms resting on the table. The candles had burned out long ago and it was getting dark. His mind was blank most of the time, just staring off into space. As time progressed everything started to sink in, even though nothing made sense. What would he do now? He was nothing without Eddy. Everything he did was centered around him, everything from eating breakfast to earning money to playing the violin. The police woman had asked him if they could call someone to come look after him and he had wanted to tell her to call Eddy. He couldn't think of anybody else. In reality, he didn't have anyone else. He didn't want anyone else.

Eventually Brett regained the sense of having a body and took a deep breath, realizing he had forgotten to breathe properly. His throat felt dry and he shook as the air filled him up. It felt wrong to breathe. Everything felt wrong. He looked at the now cold eggs and bacon he had prepared for Eddy on the other side of the table. They were still completely untouched, of course. He imagined him sitting there with him, joking about how cliché his choice of food was. Blushing when Brett mentioned he had made eggs because that's what he knew how to cook to Eddy's liking, except he would taste it and tell him it was over salted like he always did. He'd take that complaint any day.

Brett felt his legs slowly falling asleep. It was unpleasant, but it helped pull him back to the real world. He slowly turned his head to look around the now quite dark kitchen. It had been this dark when he came home last night too. Brett caught himself wondering if he was still alive then? If he had been just slightly more sober, would he have been able to notice something was wrong? Or maybe if he hadn't let himself be convinced to just stay for just a short while more. Would Eddy still be with him? Maybe if he just hadn't gone out in the first place?

Brett stood up slowly, but didn't know where to go from his spot in the kitchen. He wanted answers, but didn't know where to look for them. There were too many questions. He slowly made his way to the open door out to the living room and leaned against the frame of it. Everything looked like nothing had happened. The box of sleeping pills was gone, the unknown liquor was gone, and of course Eddy was gone. The only reminder Brett could find of him that was out of place was his phone lying on the table. He wouldn't have left without it. Brett wondered if it would have made a difference if he had called him? Maybe if he had just talked to him for a few seconds he would change his mind? If he'd sent him a short text?  
He turned on the lamp next to the kitchen door with a click. He could remember the same click from the night before, when he had blown him a kiss and turned the very same light off. Was that one of the last sounds Eddy had heard? Or had he already left him at that point? That's the way to best describe how Brett felt, really. Like Eddy had left him. He realized he probably didn't mean for him to feel that way, but he couldn't help it. How was it possible for it not to have crossed Eddy's mind that he needed Eddy? Every waking second, and lately also the sleeping seconds had been spent with Eddy, doing something related to Eddy or thinking about Eddy. Eddy was Brett's whole world and now Brett's world had been taken from him like a rug was pulled away under his feet. Had he not been good enough to tell him so? Did he not hug him tight enough?

He didn't sit down on the couch. He sat down in front of the couch, his back leaning against the arm rest next to where Eddy's head was earlier. The pain in his stomach from the lack of eating all day was getting worse, but even thinking about food felt pointless. Everything felt pointless. He looked up at Eddy's phone still resting on the table in front of him. It was weird for him to leave it on the table like that, as he normally would keep it in his pocket. Maybe the ambulance workers had taken it out? He didn't know. Still he reached out to grab it. It was the first thing that was moved since Eddy left.

Brett knew the passcode to the phone, but didn't come further than to light up the screen. The background photo of his lock screen made Brett's tears flow like a river. It was a picture of the two of them, a selfie, taken a few months ago just after they had moved into the house together. There were boxes all over behind them and they had made a vlog about the move that never was published. It felt too personal to share. That prescious moment belonged to just the two of them. Just to Brett now.  
Again he lit up the screen on Eddy's phone and typed in the passcode. He didn't really know why he was doing it. He felt like he was invading his privacy by doing it, really. He stopped once the phone unlocked and the camera app opened, facing Brett. He was tired, his appearance messy and eyes dead. He looked about as bad as he felt.  
He noticed the tiny picture of Eddy in the bottom of the screen indicating the last photo or video taken. He touched it and a picture of Eddy popped up with a large white play button in front of him. A video. He swiped to the right and saw that the one before that was a video too with a similar picture behind the play button. Why had he recorded himself like that?  
In total there were four videos all with the similar feel to them, all filmed recently. The last one only yesterday evening. Brett looked at the picture of him behind the play button on the most recent one. His face was calm, even though his eyes were red and puffy, likely from crying. His hair was messy and he was wearing the same clothes as Brett had found him in. The time stamp on the video indicated it had been filmed a couple of hours before Brett had come home, but after he had intended be home. Brett's stomach made a painful twist at the realization. For what felt like forever he sat and stared at the time at the top of Eddy's phone, only occationally moving his tired eyes to look at Eddy's face on the phone. Hesitanly he pressed the large white play button and watched what ufolded on the screen in silence.


	15. The last video

_It was quiet for a while as Eddy thought about what to say after pressing record. He knew he had to say something, just for everything to make sense. Inside he felt nothing, not fear, not sorrow, not happiness. When he had made the descision everything got calm and he felt confident it was the right thing to do. Everything would be better, both or Brett, himself and everybody else. He knew Brett wouldn't understand at first, and that's why he had to make this video. He had to explain._

_He took a deep breath. "I... I'm sorry, Brett..." He didn't understand why his voice was so shaky, but just accepted it. "... for waiting this long. I wasn't sure I was brave enough. I had to do it on my first attempt so you wouldn't have to worry." He felt his heart sink, thinking about everything he'd miss about being alive, if there was something more after this life. He hoped it wasn't. He thought about Brett's slow breathing at night, about his laugh, about playing the violin, about hugging his mom. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to collect his thoughts. He had to move on. Brett could be home any second._

_"I'm also so sorry I didn't say goodbye properly, but you'd find out what I was up to. I hope that hug this morning will count, because..." His voice trailed off and he turned his gaze away from the camera. He had known what he was going to do for a few days, he was so sure. Still he had doubted his choice in that split second when his chin touched the top of Brett's soft hair. He really had to convince himself he was doing the right thing once Brett had left, and his heavy mind was a good help in doing so._

_His eyes slowly moved back to the camera and he fiddled with the sleeve of his hoodie. "In a way, I hope it's not you who finds me, but I realize that's probably unavoidable. I'm sorry you have to see that." His voice was cracking up now, his tears making his eyes blank. "I'm doing this because I love you, okay? It's not your fault, it's just that I'm holding you back and make you worry and all I want is for you to be happy, okay?" He was really sobbing now, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie and wrapping his long skinny arms around himself. He leaned forward to check the time on his phone. It was time, he'd be home any second._

_He opened the bottle of liquor and took a large gulp of it, grimacing at the taste and feeling the burning sensation hit his throat. "Internet said it would be painless. I am also so sorry for lying to you, Brett. I said I wouldn't do it with sleeping pills, but I don't think I dare to jump off anywhere, and I don't have time to... to bleed..." He scratched his arm before taking another large sip of the alcohol. Again it burned, but he needed to get as much as he could down. Brett could come home any second. A silent voice in the back of his head hoped he would._

_"I love you Brett. So so much, more than anything, okay?" Again he had to wipe his tears. "You're my everything, and all I want from you after... after... this... I want you to move on, okay? Please, Brett. Do it for me." Again he swallowed a large gulp from the bottle in his hand, this time without grimacing. He checked the content of it. Only a bit left. He felt his vision getting blurry just from the alcohol already. Probably because he hadn't eaten much that day. The next time he spoke, his speech was slightly slurred._

_"P...please... Brett... I love you. Move on... for me. I'm not worth dwelling on."_

And then the screen went black for a second before switching back to the picture of Eddy with the play button in front of him. Eddy's last words ran through his head like a broken record. "Please Brett, I love you. Move on for me. I'm not worth dwelling on." His heart shattered at the last part every time it repeated. Brett knew he had failed him, failed to love him like he should have, and it slowly ate him up.  
"I love you too, Eddy. Please come back", he whispered before curling up into a ball next to the couch and letting all his emotions go.


	16. Video

The night passed quickly when Brett finally fell asleep on the floor next to the couch. His dreams visited Eddy, wanted to make sure he was better. In the dream, Eddy had held him. He spoke calmly, no signs of sadness in his voice. The words were unclear to Brett, but it was as if he just knew what they meant. He was in a better place now, with no sadness, no pain, no guilt. Still, Brett desperately tried to grab him back to the real world with him. It was a selfish act in a way, wanting Eddy with him, but he needed him. He missed him already and he hadn't been gone for twenty four hours yet.

When he woke up, everything was light. He nust have slept through the nigth, clutching Eddy's phone. He felt his heart sink when he saw it resting carefully in his hands. All he wanted in that moment was for Eddy to come around the corner and laugh a bit at how silly he looked lying on the floor, and tell him it was a joke. Brett shook his head slightly.  
"Come on, for Eddy. What do you need to take care of?" he whispered out loud to himself before hearing his stomach groan loudly. He looked down at it like he had never experienced such a weird sound before, even though he had, and decided to try and eat something. He remembered the eggs he had prepared for Eddy and sighed.  
"I hope you would have liked them", he said out loud, feeling stupid for speaking to himself. It sort of helped him, though, that the silence was broken for just a moment. He decided to continue doing this, so he wouldn't feel so alone. 

He went to the kitchen and slowly started cleaning up the food he had cooked yesterday. It felt wrong to just throw it away, especially what he had plated so neatly for Eddy, but it had gotten bad by now. "You really missed some good food there, Eddy", he said as if he was there, and he could hear the soundwave hit the hard wall of the kitchen and resonate in the room slightly. Everything was so quiet. His mind went back to the videos he hadn't watched on Eddy's phone. What was that? More than one suicide note? He decided to check them out while eating, and after he had cleaned up the food from the cancelled breakfast he went to grab one of the leftover boxes in the fridge. He chose Eddy's box, his illogical reasoning being that if this was a joke he would pop around the corner and tell him to leave his food alone. He didn't though, and Brett sat down.

Every bite of this food reminded him of Eddy. He had propped up Eddy's phone to watch the videos, but hadn't dared to press play yet. When he eventually did, he watched in silence.  
"He's probably disgusted with me", Eddy said in the first video, and Brett was no longer able to hold back his tears. Was that how his rejection had seemed? He could never be disgusted by him. He was like a perfect angel of some sort. Now more literally an angel.  
The second video ended with Eddy quickly turning off the recording as Brett heard himself enter the house. Brett could still hear Eddy's voice cracking up while saying he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with it anymore repeating like an echo in his mind. He realized this must have been around the time Eddy had started to consider going through with it for real, and Brett was so close to knowing how he was. Literally just a minute too late.  
He started the third video and immediately regretted it. Eddy's body was quiet and he showed the bandage on his arm to the camera. He recognized it as the one he had seen that night when he had held Eddy for hours until he calmed down. It broke Brett that he obviously felt worse than the previous video, knowing he should have seen it. He had gone from feeling bad to feeling like he deserved a cut as deep as that. It felt like Brett's heart curled up at something Eddy said in the video.  
 _"No more clingy idiot, no more... no more Eddy."_ Brett wanted his clingy idiot back, and the tears overflowed again. Wanted his Eddy back. He heard himself enter the room right before the camera shut off and again he cursed at himself for being late, and not catching how bad Eddy was.

A notification popped up on Eddy's phone as he watched, it was from their twitter. He pulled out his own phone to check it out.  
 _"You guys okay?"_ someone had tweeted to them, and Brett sighed. No, obviously he wasn't okay. It was only a matter of time before the news got out, and he needed to tell eveyone what was going on. It was only right. He scrolled through some older notifications as well, and realized that some knew. Rumours spread fast, and as there hadn't been any statement from TwoSet Violin officially yet, everyone thought they were just that. Rumours. Oh, how bad he wanted it to be just rumours.

He found the "new tweet"-widget and tweeted:  
 _"Video coming soon."_


	17. Thank you for watching

"Hello..." he began, his voice weak and breaking up at the end. He still wasn't too sure this video was a good idea to make yet, but he knew he had to make it at some point anyway. He really didn't feel up to it, and it showed.  
"...and welcome to... to..." He paused to take a deep breath and to force his mouth to form the rest of the unimaginable sentence. It felt wrong to even say it, as it wasn't his line. Unfortunately, he was the only one there to do it. He pulled himself together and cleared his throat.  
"... to the last episode... of TwoSet Violin."

It went quiet for a while as it seemed he was struggling to say what he wanted. Normally, Eddy would jump in at this point and say what needed to be said. The audio recording was tainted with the faint sound of an air condition humming away in the background.  
"As... as you all... c... can tell..." His voice was more shaky now, weak. He wiped away a tear running down his cheek and seemed to try and pull himself together.  
"As you all can tell, Eddy's... not here... t...today..." The last word came out more as a whimper than as a word as he broke down in front of the camera. Saying it out loud made it too real. Tears were shining on his cheek in the faint sunlight fighting to pass through a white curtain. The sound of sobbing filled the audio recording. He put his arms tightly around himself as he continued.  
"You have probably already... found out... what happened... that he... he..." The impossibility of the words he was trying to say was incomprehensible. That morning he had been asked by Eddy's mom if he wanted to play in his funeral, and he hadn't known what to say. He wanted to honor him like that, but also wasn't sure if he could ever love music again. Eddy was a big part of the core of Brett's love for music. The pain this man felt radiated through the video format with every word spoken, every sob, every tear.  
"That he is no longer... with us..." His eyes were shifting away from the camera, down to his hands fiddling with the sleeve of his slightly too large white hoodie. It seemed he had given up trying to fight the tears now.  
"I don't think... I can continue... this... without him." He paused for a long time, struggling with his words again. Not the way he usually was on camera. Normally, Brett was cheerful, a bit cheeky and confident. He wasn't sure he'd ever be himself again.  
"I... I'm sorry it's ending like this... I'm gonna miss it, and him. I hope you understand." He stood up and walked over to the camera to turn it off while wiping a tear with the sleeve of the hoodie. He stopped in front of the camera, his face clearer when the camera finally focused on him. The bags under his eyes had never been so bad, and he looked like he hadn't shaved in forever. His hand rested on the camera out of frame, causing a slight tremble on the recording.  
"Thanks for watching", he whispered shakily before the audio recorded the recognizable flip of a switch and the screen went dark.


End file.
